我会等你

如果我还可以说我爱你 ,  我会说给你听  ..   但我没有机会  ..  你不属于我 ..     我还可以 怎样  ??  我想念你 , 我真的好想你 .. 但是你有想念我 吗 ?  你也许不想念我  ..    我很伤你的离开 ..  从来没有想到 , 我很艰难的，面对伤害 .. 我希望你知道我爱你 , 我的心会爱你  决不让其他人取代你的位置 .. 这是我的承诺 ~~

TODAYS EVENT `^`

TODAY i clear my room .. because i have nothing to do .. so after i bought my books for my "prauniversiti" study .. i back home and clear my lovely room .. owh! ^ this picture is before i clean and clear my room =) .. haha .. really mess up .. ><

after few hours i think i finished clean up my room and make over of it .. woo ! does it look nice ????? =)

and this are my make up table .. as you all can see lots of girl things at there .. =)

this spot , which i love the most .. <3 .. ouh ! its make me thinks a romance place i guess .. haha .. whatever ! so , today event is MAKE OVER MY ROOM !

有一个人   你会很想每晚对他说‘ 晚安 ’。
有一个人 他不会主动和你聊天 但你会忍不住想和他聊天

有一个人 你一上线就会去看他在不在.
不在就一阵失落 在 又不敢打扰他.

有一个人 他的状态签名只要一换你立刻胡思乱想 揣测不安

有一个人 你在线只是在等他]而他的头像却不会在你的MSN里抖动

有一个人 你总是忍不住去看他的空间
即使他什么新鲜事都没有。

有一个人 你会看他的最近来访和留言
然后又胡思乱想 揣测不安

有一个人 你一直在等他
他却忘记了你

有一个人 你真的好爱他
可是仔细一想 你爱他什么。
爱他的坏？



有一个人 你以为他是你的永远
但是他却告诉你 你只是他的过客

有一个人 你真的可以对他无条件付出
他却不稀罕 对他来说 你只是负担~

有一个人 你那么那么舍不得
他却那么随意 洒脱 不在乎



有一个人 教会你怎么去爱了
但是 他却不爱你了

有一个人 你总说要放下他
却总是忍不住又拿回来回味

有一个人 你真的好想他快乐
所以你宁愿自己不快乐

有一个人 离开他的时候你笑了
但是一转身 早已泪流满面

有一个人 你好想大声告诉他
我真的好后悔爱上你了
因为 你发现 你真的 是真的爱他
但是他不爱你了 这就是事实


那个骄傲的你去哪里了？

MY prauniversiti necessary...

i miss you..........

live . love . like nature

am i creative in photo ?

i am obsessed to edit picture .. ^^ but sometimes i get tired but i never stop from doing so...cz i am obsessed in photography .. LOL !! so am i creative ?? <3

cosmetics and somethings i need to hang out

OPPSS!!!

DID MY LIPS LOOK'S LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE?

3 of us

heart sayings...

very upset today .. my head keep think about the you .. i love you .. i do really love you but i have to let go .. i really had to let go .. the last we talk phone , if you still remember what you said to me .. " i just treat as usual friend " .. when hear that , if you know the feeling , its very hurt .. but ya , i know how to hide my feels from others .. so i pretend i had nothing impressions with it .. so , who am i to you before ? sometimes i think that you just use me to forget her .. but why me ? hmm ..

you didnt give yourself a chances to know me .. you didnt give us a chance .. when i love you , you realize you still love her and you cant be with me cause it will be unfair to me .. okay , i accept that .. and even you know that i'm waiting for you .. and you promise you will be give yourself a chance to know me again .. day by days been past .. i realize that the promise you make you will never be able to fulfill it so i give up the promise and flows like naturally ..

you give me hope .. so that i continue to wait for you .. when we be together , your heart is actually loving her and thinking of her .. i accept .. but when the time you decide to move on and let go , i thought that you will give yourself a chance to know me .. but despite , you are not give yourself a chance to know me better .. you are giving yourself a chance to look for other .. when realizing that , its make my heart broke down .. and im thinking , did i deserved to taste and to feel the pain ?

my spirit go downs .. days past with waiting .. waiting for your call , waiting for your message .. but i didnt received any calss and message from you .. until one day , when we quarrel about the picture .. about the first picture , thats is really my fault and convince and admit that is my misunderstand .. but the second picture , if you think as much as possible , which girl , girls that loving you will not felt pain felt hurt with picture ? you just knew that girl for few days and you put your profile picture with her picture together , which person will not misunderstand about it ? i bet your friend are asking about it too ..

she's move on .. and why not you move on ? despite you are acting like a kids by doing so .. when you did that , had you ever think the people that love you will how ? you said you just use her pretty .. i dont want to question about that .. but whats make me hurt is , you dare to put that girls and your picture combine together and make it your profile picture .. but when we be together you never do so .. but thats not a big deal for me .. i am nothing with that ..

after the argument that we had , days been past .. and we are getting far .. and sometimes i miss you in a way the person that i firstly met .. you changes .. and im thinking is it i have to let go you now ..but i do give my self a chance and hoping i can keep the relations .. but i realize i cant redeem our relationship .. but i cant let you go .. so i let it flow naturally ..

sunday , 8th of may , is the last day we contact .. i called you but we have no more a fun conversations like before .. and i realize that i have no place in your heart anymore .. so after we end the phone conversations .., i send you a message saying that i give up for all of it ..

i realize i still can love you when we have no contact .. i still can love you without hurt feelings , without pain , and without burden you .. i still can love you without your knowledge and loving you in my silent tears .. i'm tired .. i really tired until i cant cried out for the pain ..

you are a good person .. you are not playing me .. just you lost your ways and her leaving change you .. but without your knowing your changes are hurting me .. and i cant accept at the pain anymore .. its too deep until i cant hold it .. im sorry cause i cant be a good friends of yours ..

如果你爱上了别人…我会笑着放开你 【❤】

“如果有一天，你爱的人突然告诉你，他爱上了别人，你会怎样？”

‘放开他…’

这是我的回答…

听着我的答案，朋友接着问我…

“难道，你就不想去坚持那份爱？”

呵呵…如果，真的会有那一天，

‘坚持’我又何尝会不想…

试问，又有几个人能够如此潇洒的说放弃就放弃…

但是，一味的坚持，

是否就会等到自己想要的？

如果不行…又何苦要让自越陷越深…

当爱你的人，爱上另一个人…

别傻傻的以为，

能够用自己的天真，

去唤回那不安的灵魂…

每一天，只能够一个人痴痴的等…

面对那受伤的另人心疼的眼神…

当等待痛苦的眼泪落下…

倦了…累了…

你才会笑着对自己说：

当初，又何苦逼着自己一个人，面对爱给的伤痕…

爱情是两个人的事，

感情的付出，

不是用一颗真心，

就一定能够得到结果…

别傻傻的问自己到底应该怎么做，

才能够维持长久不变的爱情…

总有一天，你会真正懂得，

爱…是自己给自己的伤痛…

给的伤痛，也就只有自己才能够真正解脱…

亲爱的，

如果有一天，你对我说，你爱上了别人…

我会流着泪，

笑着对你说‘分手’…

因为我爱你，所以我知道强求的爱得不到任何结果…

因为我爱你，所以我会毫不犹豫的放开你的手…

因为我爱你，所以我希望你能够得到你想要的幸福…

因为我爱你，所以当你转身离去时，我会流着泪，给你最真诚的祝福…

因为我爱你，所以我谢谢你给了我一次爱的机会…

因为我爱你，所以我深深的明白

爱，是一感受，即使痛苦，都会觉得幸福…

爱，是一种体会，即使心碎，都会觉得甜蜜…

爱，是一种经历，即使破碎，都会觉得美丽…

p/s : this beautiful notes is for you ..

who are my lover ??

people keep asking .. erica .. who are you with now ?? who is the prince charming of yours now ??       > <  no other question that you all can ask other than that ?? hmm .. the reason i keep answer you all i dont know is because i dont have my prince charming > < .. haha .. i'm all single but not available .. hmm .. 

p/s : i'm give up to get involve in love ..

=)

 mothers day ^^
mothers day coming soon .. what should i give my mom ?? ^^ a perfume , a present ??? no .., i will give her a kiss and a hug ^^ .. cause if i buy a things for my mum is equal to she buy a things for herself cause clearly the money i get is her money is it ?? sorry mum , i haven work .. so i cant buy a things for you right now .. but i promise to you that i will study hard to achieve my aim and give you the happiness .. ya , like people said a child achievement is the proud of the parents .. so i want to be success to make you proud ^^ muaks :*

schools ^^
next week . i started my schools .. oh , new uniform .. grey shirt and black skirts .. yii , how come the uniform like that ??? hmm > < cant wait to starts my schools day >>

aim ^^
my aim ?? still the same like the old aim .. study hard for my form 6 and get a good result .. but to have a happy life and to married someone ?? maybe that will be put aside cause its no more can happen ( impossible ) .. but i still will have a happy life with my family =)

love <3
no heart want to find a 'bf' now .. my heart cant open for others yet .. and not allowed others to knocked and stay at my heart .. no .. maybe ya , after 10 years ??? for others to get in my heart .. hahahaha .. i'm give up for love la !!

mothers day for me ^^
well , i got  two son .. haha .. big bear ans small bear .. trust me they wont give me any present for me cause as i mentioned their name .. they just a bear bear .. ^^ their father ?? im divorce about one and half month ago ..

hope in the last relations ??
none .. flows naturally .. ^^

who am i tenderly ??
im erica .. ^^ haha .. just not the old erica .. i realize i change .. ^^

friends . bff . teen life .growth

my BFF <3 love them much .. yan , gonna be an IPG students and after 5 years she will be a teacher .. mey , continue her study at matrix , labuan , sabah .. and how about me ?? ^^ i continue my form 6 .. after this the three of us will be separated and i hope that we still have contact .. the friend of my school life .. accompany where ever i go .. to the toilet , canteen , teachers office , laboratory .. haha ..
yan , sit at my side when at class and mey sit at the back .. a friend that always be my side when i angry , happy , sad , of course when im hungry .. ^^  mey , always take care of me by food side .. cause she know i got an allergic .. haha sorry to  said .. and yan , take care of me on study side ..


hmm p/s : luyee , you are also the most friend that i love .. you always on by my side truly whenever i sad and lost my way .. i will never forget you my friend ^^ just recently the problem i had now , especially on love side , i cant tell anyone about that .. eventhough i wanted so bad to tell you , but by telling you the problem not nice for me and 'him' .. let me past it by myself and hope you will not be offense by that okay ?? not my means want to get rid of you by not answering your phone call.. just gave me some space.. i hope when you read this you will understand .. i love you all .. ^^

another picture of mine ..

p/s : sorry that i'm not pretty as you all think =)

heavy morning ..

today .. when i wake up i felt my heart very heavy .. why ?? is it cause i too miss someone ?? i didnt denied that .. cause i do really miss you .. =( but i keep denied it , pretend that i didnt miss you .. hmm

p/s : i miss you na .......... > <

move on . new life . big changes . disappear

something about myself .....

things that describe me.

- sensitive
-faithful
-love to laugh
-care about the people that i truly love

nickname.

-erica
- bi ( no more )
-ninie
-eca , or maybe bobow

place that i wanted to go.
-Thailand
-an island
-place that surrounded by beautiful nature
-bali , maybe

stuff to bring out everyday.

-hand phone
-purse
-perfume
-comb

the people i love the most and forever.

-mom and dad
-siblings
-**** ** ( bi )
-bff

my bad habit.

-jealosy
-likes to cry
-suspicious person
-likes to think too much


p/s : =)

picture of myself ..

my lil nephew .. love him ..

hand made..

be tough..hmm

我给过你 我全部的爱 我给过你 我的心.. 可是你还是不要我了 你给我的 只有满脑子对你的思念 可是你知道么 我给过你的，给不了第二个人..。

this  few  days  ,  dont  know  why  i felt  unhappy  ..  i smile  i laugh  but  mom  says  got  something  hidden  in  that  smile  ..  i  ask  why  ??  i  dont  understand  ..  mom  said  ,  she can  see  the  pain  inside  my  heart  ..  the  pain  that  i  tried  to  hide  all  this  time  ..  the  pain  that  i  felt  but  i'm  not  dare  to  let  other  see  it  cause  i  scare  people  will  think  i'm  weak  ..  is  it   ??  i  dont  know  ..

today  i heard  a  news  from  you ..  you  will  get  married  in  this  year  ..  i  should  be  happy  right  ??  congratulations  ..  but  dont  know  why  i'm  not  happy  with  the  news  ..  i  felt  you've  lost  your  ways  ..  because  of  one  girls  ,  that  hurted  you  so  much  ,  in  one  days  you've  change  much  ..  i  couldnt  cry  ..  seriously  i  want  to  cry  but  i  cant  cry  out  ..  that  feeling  is  suffer  when  knowing  that  i  cant  cry  out  for  the  one  i  love  ..  you  said  you  lie  to  yourself  cause  you  thought  you two  have  a  chance  to  be  together  again  ..  but  i  feeling  the  same  too  ..  i  am  lying  to  myself  cause  i  thought  WE  can  do  it  ..  but  the  fact  is  NO  ..

you  asked  me  ,  do  i  happy  to  hear  the  news  ??  the  news  that  you  are  getting  married  ??  i  dont  know  ..  i  didnt  felt  shock  ,  i  didnt  felt  funny  ..  what  i  think  now  ,  what  i  felt  now  is  like  my  heart  being stabbed  by  a  knife  ..  it's  hurt  ,  to  know  that  my  hope  is  nothing  ,  to  know  that  i  am  nothing  inside  your  heart  ..  but  finally  i've  got  the  answer  ..  

but  i'm  happy  that  you've  think  me  as  a  friend  ..  i  am  glad  ..  that  you'd  like  to  share  your  happiness  and  sadness  with  me  ..  mom  said  ,  growing  to  become  an  adult  ,  to  become  a person  is  a journey  that  we could  never  forget  ..  i'm  happy  mom  always  beside  me  to  ask  me  be  tough  ,  to  hug  me  when  i  needed  to  be  hug  ..

but  as  a  friend  ,  a  friend  that  loving  you  ,  i  want  to say  congratulations  and  i  will  support  you  no  matter  what  kind  of  decision  you  made  ..  and  always  hope  you  the  best  ,  and  wishing  you  the  best  in  your  life  ..  i  know  i  dont  have  the  courage  to say  this  words  to  you  ,  but  no  matter  how  is  i  always  love  you  ..

IF YOU LEAVE ...

you still remember the songs called 'if you leave' ? =) well , that songs describing my feelings now.. lyrics phrase says " if you belive you'll do best without me , i'll let you go boy it's over but i have no doubt we can work it out.... " 

you want to end this relation but i didnt agree with that decision cause i believe we can made this relation.. we can hold this relation.. but i have to let you go , cause that shows my respect towards you.. =) hmm

phrase lyrics says " now if you wanna go baby then i'll let you go and even though i'm tryna hold on i can't let you go " 

you wanna go and give up this relation so i let you go cause i cant stop you.. even though i try to keep with your decision to let you go , but the fact my heart cant let you go.. =)

but just the opposite to our situation is the lyrics phrase " and if you're leave me you gonna miss me and i'm not saying that i'll be right here waiting .... " why i said this opposite our relation is because you leave me.. but i dont know either you'll miss me or not.. but for sure I'LL BE RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR YOU .. hmm 

P/S : I LOVE YOU.. XOXO

thank you and i'm sorry ..

i made up my mind.. i will give up.. i will let you go.. i don't want to force myself or i don't want to force you.. i don't want to force anyone..

you made up your mind so its just depend on me to complete and finish the decision.. =) i will miss you.., i didn't denied that.. but.. when our mind denied about the truth sometimes it will come truth.. so when i denied that i miss you , then someday i will not gonna miss you again.. haha.. what a kids thinking ^^

thank you.. you've watch me grown up.. you've watch me from a young immature girls changes to be..well not 100% mature girls yet.. but you did watch me grown up.. =)

although the love you gave me just awhile but i do really appreciate it and i happy to be with you.. since that you said you still waited for her , so i will think the promise that we've made before..., are considered burn.. haha.. hmm..

just hope that i can let you go from my heart.. but for someone else to knock in and take your place , maybe not for now or neverr.. we didn't know about that.. we didn't know about the coming future..

i'm sorry.. cause i cant be a good girlfriend for you.. I'm sorry cause i didn't take good care of you.. even my mouth said that i hate you but actually I'm not..

we are under the same horoscope.. crabs ^^ ( cancer ) .. but i realise , age is still the main factor in this relations.. i will pray that what you waited for all this time will comes true soon.. i still remember you wants to be a successful person.. you want to have a bang low and then you want to married her.. ^^ hopes that will come true..

my aim?? i sure will continue it.. i still will to achieve it.. study hard, get a good result. good pointer have a good job and a nice life.. but the person that gonna go through all the journey with me, just maybe not you.. hmm..

you take care ba.. i will not gonna find you anymore.. and you will not hear from me either.. ME??? i will take care, i will move on this journey.. i still have a lot to do.. like you said , I'm still young.. ^^ im not suit you.. i want to say sorry for the unhappiness i gave you all this time..

p/s : good luck and take good care of yourself ^^ .. XOXO

一如感情, 痛过了, 才会懂得如何保护自己, 傻过了，才会懂得适时的坚持与放弃，在得到与失去中我们慢慢地认识自己....

当你说出了你想说的，做了你想做的之后，你会发现，天是那么蓝，自己是那么可爱。不是因为你得到了你想得到的，而是因为你是在为自己而活着。=)

i am still the last choices to be your partner >< whatever!! hmm

days.............................. ='(

day by days been past..the clock's still move rounds and rounds..but I..missing you a lot..i want to call you but i knew you wont be there for me..i miss you..miss your voices..but i kept denied..i kept telling myself that will just be awhile..hmm..there's nothing i want to do..to have just one more chance..to look into your eyes and see you looking back..i always think about you..how are you? are you fine? are you in a good health now? your condition? hmm ~~ wish that i can call you but.. all are impossible.. HAVE YOU EVER THINK ABOUT ME THIS FEW DAYS? I DONT KNOW.. one thing i know is your heart full of 'her' .. hmm.. i grown up well to accept the fact.. i dont want to put a hope on you anymore.. cause i know the end will be a sad ending.. :'(  one things that i should do now is ?????????????? ..................................

story.....

8th of january.. the date we know each other.. 1st of february..the date we declared to be together.. i didnt denied that i love you.. cause i am really love you now.. but..fate isn't belong to us now.. cause of you i changes.. cause of you i finally know how to be a better person.. hmm.. the first videos you've sent to me, saying i love you..is meant a lot to me.. the words 'bi'...is something to me.. i love you but i cant say it out now..until the day that we have no more contact, i still cant say out i love you.. 8th of april, 1:08 am.. is that date, is the time that we absolutely no more connection with each other.. no more relations with each other.. no more contact with each other.. i am sad, i am hurt, i am disappointed.. but i've heard what i suppose to hear from your mouth and i satisfied with the xplanation.. i understand.. huh............................... is it we have the second chance??? i dont know.. i dont even dare to think about that.. maybe no... i dont want think too much.. what i know now is we are no longer....................................... hmm good luck and take care.. dont worry me.. i know how to take care myself..hmm .... bye bye... awin ow... never thought that i will be so tough to handle this kind of feeling now.. you are the person that had change me a lot tenderly.. you make me know what i want to do in this life without wasting every second of it.. hmm =) .. i will go on with my aim.. just something missing in it.., is you.. i still will take you as the pusher to accomplish my aim.. either i still wait you or not, i dont know.. hmm.. just if you read this you will know how much you mean to me.. you are right.. now its not the time to think about nonsense things.. its not the time for me to think about love future things.. what i should do now is.. complete my study, get a good result, further my study and have a good life.. =) just what is lack in that dream is.......... hmm ^^ funny.. someday you were here beside me but then someday you'll gone.. but i will show to you.. not just a saying to lie me.. but i will show, i will prove that i will accomplish that mission, i will accomplish that aim.. im grown up.. year 18 is the new age, new stage for me to go through the life.. not the time to think about love.. hmm.. cry???? i couldnt cry anymore after last night.. maybe its because i know what i want to do.. move on??? sure i will move on.. hmm ^^ just for sure now, i still love you that feeling is still there.. and hope that feeling will last stand.. hmm.. hoping you in a good life is so much pleasure for me.. hope you will get what you waiting for all this time.. to get a happy life, happy family and hope.. you'll get your own good.. ^^ hmm..................







                                                               to be continued........................

IM NOT REGRET BEING LOVE YOU

no matter how much i tried to be good but it all are not worth !!!! know what??? cause you keep complain ...... maybe my way not suit you.. i love you so much know that??? but you neglect that... and keep make me hurt.. hurt and hurt until one day that is today that i cant hold it anymore.. i feel like our world being infected and somehow you left me neglected!!! i dont know why...,, why you cant appreciate me just once if you can.. i'm so love you !!!! love you so damn deep but same with past relationship, the most hurted one is me !!!! why ???? i dont know what's my wrong.. I HATE YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am done..we lost it all.. stop until here.. i cant hold it anymore.. for sure i still love you.. but i really cant hold it.. we tried, how we cried , we lost ourself, the love is die, and though we tried you cant denied that your heart no more me.. and im SUFFER !!!!!

@#$%^&*()*&^%$!

what you want now har??? you make me treat you so damn annoying now.. so damn hurt.. if you not willing to have a relationship with me then fine.. up to you.. but no need say so hurting words towards me.. if you been with me lost very big money then okay.. we should stop it.. i will not use you this 012 number already la.. dont worry !!! i'm not using YOU to survive me !!! IM JUST USING YOU TO BE LOVED IF YOU BEEN NOTICED THAT !!!! so much pain !!!! so damn shit know that!!!! very irritating very annoying if you ask me how bout my feels towards you now.. i dont know how.. too much burden on me and feel like to much burden i gave you.. fine !! now you just say regret. now you just say unsatisfied.. for what? after what have we been thru?????? sorry , maybe we not suppose to be together.. ya, like you said.. what for we love someone if we not happy??? thats what i feel now!!!! ya , im young !! but i do have feel !! i am a human !!! i do know what is hurt means , AWIN OW !!!! i do have tears !!! but you treat me like im nothing !!! while im so care so love you and tried to understand you .. but its all wasting and not worth !!! all are bull shit and damn fucking things !!! all are fakes !!!!!!! really make me so fed up and so damn annoying.. i do love you , but your complain make me so ................. felt like the heart get stab by a knife !!!! all your words make so discontented !!! so damn hurt !!! you know what?? we can forget this promise la okay !! one and a half year ????? forget about it !!!! all you are saying make me damn hurt so damn pain.. before when you want say that think WHO IS THE PERSON WILL HURT BY YOUR WORDS !!!.. a person that you love talk like that to you , you will how?? have you ever think that ??  NO , IS IT???? cause you are being so self-ish !!! you did not care about anything unless you yourself, your things and your EX!!!!!!!  never think about the person who loves you tenderly now... you keep want hurt and keep hurting me.. slowly day by day.. i really dont know what you want.. sometimes good sometimes ????? think ba !!! i dont know who childish now.. me or you ????? dont after  done something just questioning about it......... IM SO DAMN FED UP WITH YOU !!!!!!!!! CAUSE WHAT I DID ALL ARE WRONG !!!!!!!!!

i think you know what you want now.. hmm =) and i guess i know what i want now.. what i want is done what im target about.. nobody have inspire me..nobody have encourage me to do something.. finally i've got the person to push me to achieve on what i want.. finally i've got the aim that i never had before.. =) i think i can do it.. i loving you.. you know how much i love you.. but unrequited love is much hurting than anything.. maybe our fate is just to be a good friend.. not to be a couple.. hmm.. based on what we promise, sure i will wait..i  will wait that day for us to be together again.. but i have to ready on mentally too incase that you will not to be at my side when i had achieve the aim.. =( i realise that you still love her.. and i realise that i am nothing inside your heart.. i know you love me when we be together but the feels cant compare to how much you love her.. right?? i can accept it.. =) when be with you i realise i heve change a lot.. started to care someone we love really happiness.. the feel that i never care about before.. =) .. i have no longer had the kiddo's attitude ..=) .. maybe you change me to mature or i learn from the surrounding to be a mature person.. hmm.. i hurt but finally i cant comtrol my feels.. like you always say.. feels is control by ourself..is it?? ya, now i realise what the meaning of your words.. maybe i grown up from the past.. for the final word of this post..i will wait.. i will wait your heart come back to me again.. one and half year is not long if we really sincere to done our things for that long of time.. hmm..

i need you =)

what a sweet couples that i wish one day i will be the most happiness person like they did..hmm =(

how many really know what love is?? millions never will... do you know until you lose it??  that its everything that we will looking for.. when i wake up in the morning and you're beside me.. im so thankfull that i found everything that i've been looking for.. =) i dont wanna forget the present is a gift and i dont wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me .. so everytime i hold you, hol you like that is the last time.. everytime i kiss you , kiss you like i'll never see you again.. everytime i touch you,  see we dont really know, touch you like that is the last time see everyday we never know.. i promise that i love you, love like i'll never see you again.. cause i will wait.. wait the day coming.. =)

think positive, move on and be happy =)

i will live happily while waiting you and thinking positively.. and hope you will be fulfill your promises towards me.. =)

and i will live and stay happily with my two child..hahaha small bear awin and big bear awin ^^

being with you teach me to be mature.. your mature habit teach me to be mature and appreciate every moment when i be with you =) hmm.. i've promise you that i will wait you.. i will and i will always love you.. no doubt about it..you yourself know im what kind of person.. hmm.. and i will always support you no matter what you do, no matter it will hurt me or not cause i just want see your happiness.. hmm =) i still remember the first day we met.. =) hmm you lie me you go singapore but actualy you come here to surprise me.. i so happy.. you gave a big bear as a present for me.. so cute.. ^^  hmm.......................... but now all that just left a memory.. =) but no matter how, i still appreciate it and never regret about it ^^.. cause you know i love you..always and always .. hmm.............

broken hearted girls

i love you 

now memory just left a memory..

 you..!!!name with awin ow.. hurt me so much..you make a decision that not only just hurting me but also yourself..you hated yourself when i love you cause you still think about your ex..but why you want to be with me?? and hurt me after i love you so damn deep??

our memory...

why you want like this treat me?do you know that i really love you?? i still remember you says that no matter how we quarrel we cant say break up this word.. but you did..you've broke your promise..why??you make me trust your every singles promise that you've made for me..sometimes i think that you come here find me is the mistake that destroys our relationship..im so suffer..why you want complain anything that i've done for you?? be nice girlfriends? you complain about it.. but when i didnt care you, you also complain about it.. then you want me how? teach me.. why when i so sure you are the one for me you just want to leave and say that you still care and think about catte?? why?? but is okay..i've made my decision..i will wait you no matter how long and the rest is depends on you how to fulfill the promises...

hey hey hey..its been so long time that i didn't write anything here..hmm what i want to share here is that I've found my love..=) hmm... awin ow, that's my lover name.. but maybe what I'm gonna share here got a lil bit complicated than the real couple relationship suppose to be..maybe i will think what I'm write here is as I'm talking to awin cause i know that i don't have the courage to say it out.. not every couple will through all nice things every time..some couples will found out hardness in their relationship..as the saying, in every relationship must got sweet and bitter..hmm..actually i miss before Erica and awin relationship..loving each other, taking care each other..its very sweet on the phone..but when we meet up, something make us very far..something missing in our relations..but i try to hold on..try to save the relations between us..maybe i would say , 'if i could control my heart, i will control to stop falling in love with you' ..but now i cant..i love you..i care you, you know i do but i just don't know how to show it to you..but is it so fast this relations will gonna end?? i couldn't think about it now, not cause i cant..i can think about it bit i not dare..i not dare to falls my tears again..i not dare to hurt my self again..cause i know i don't have the strenght to go through it..I'm weird..when we got meet up we suppose to more close to each other not become more far..but the fact now, we are become too far from before..the connections be tween us seems like no more..cold blooded relationship started to cover our hot and sweet relations..maybe I'm too naive.. believing on what i suppose to not believe on.. but i don't know why my heart so tough and ready to go through 'that' situation again..i don't know why?? i don't know why I'm ready to lost everything in my heart..and you know that everything is YOU.. i don't want you felt suffer to be with me..i don't want you to sympathy me.. i don't want you to force yourself to be with me because of you scare to hurting me and scare i would do silly things..but bi , don't worry..I've promise you i will not do those things again then i will not..i will not hurt myself again..because I've promise you..hmm...i don't know why, it seems like both of us no chance to have long term relationship..because today i realise that no matter how good i am towards you, no matter how hard I've change to take care you, no matter how hard i try to be a better girlfriend for you, you still not satisfy with it..you still complain about it and make me down..i know..i realise that I'm not a good girlfriend for you..hmm..but i know i make the what comes and the least of what goes.. =( ... but im trying harder to be a good girlfriend for you.. " you know you love someonewhen you want them to be happy even if their happiness means that you're not part of it =( " hmm...but i still want to hold our relation and gives time to each other..

why i felt sad today? my heart so.....unpredictable...so hilarious..sometimes me myself couldn't understand about it...i want to cry but...i cant cry..i couldn't let out my single tears to flow down...why?? is it something bad want to happen?? no..maybe i thinking too much...hmm...huh......what happen to me?? i keep sad and maybe someday i could be an emo person... i keep hurting myself .... keep asking myself what happen to me?? why i alsways that sad?? is it i didnt get what i wanted to?? is it my day didnt work as i wanted to?? or is it my fate didint move the way as i wanted to?? i dont know..... huh?? the heart felt so heavy...what kind of feel i having now?? huhh.............................................................................so sucks!hmm

happy CNY!!! ^^ hmm not too late for me to wish here..haha..hmm this few days my rest time not so well..keep tired and kep moody..dont know why is that??? hmm  ... oh ya..i am currently in relation with my baby ^^ mybe you all know is who?? ^^ mmm,,, 1st of february we declared to be toghether..hmm...but..im not sure...yesterday bii involve in an car accident..i am worry and i do care about it...but...i dont know how to show the feelings to bii..hmm i realise...hmm...our relation become cold..hmm started to get awkward..i am scare...hmm i cried but in silent tears ...hmm  ... i dont care anymore... i scare i get hurt one more times >< ... hmm i do love you..i am love you..but if the one who just fall in love also not good ba ... hmm .. i wait la.. wait what will gonna happen to us... just can wait in tears ='(

 at 1.07 am date 30th of january... you send me a message that i never aspect you will... why?? i dont know i should reply you or not... i wanted to reply but....... the flash of the time when you scold me , your voice... its make me hurt enough...huh.... why...you make me like this?? after you've hurt me all this time with so much hurt... you just can send me a message sounds ' just wanna ask you take care.sorry disturbing' thats all meow??? thats all you can say??? after one year and 9 month , thats all you can say to me??? i hope you were beside me so that you can see how much suffer you gave me... so that you can see how hurt i am.. so that you can see how much i love you... i hope you happy with her... things been past so long...lets forget and forgive okay??? i need time to recover my heart to treats you as a friend... again...hmm... and i keep my promise to you... and still keep until now... the things that you ask me to do ,'dont find me' , thats you say to me.... so i wont find you anymore.... i just wishing that you happy with her...

thinking after whole night i just get what is love suppose to means... some people describe the love as eternal... some people find out love is something sweet and nice happen in their life and some people find out love such a disaster in their life.... different people different thought... hmm... likes romeo and Juliet , cause of love they disobey their parents... disobey their family.... like ugly and the beast , ugly face did not give them any way to not fall in love with each other... hmm.... husband and wife , the build of their house and the kids that fulfill their life is the proof of their life... marriage of many years is the proof of their love... not every people in this earth get lucky in love... somes will happy in the present of love and of course somes will suffer after the lost of their love... somes will hurt their self cause cant get to accept the fact that they being leave by the one their love but somes will through it with sad as the says forget and forgive.... mostly memory that we create when in love , not usually will be the same for the following days... love can appears in many terms and types of relationships such as we know as homosexual  as lesbian and gay that out of beyond the world and metro sexual relationships types.... but me and my siblings is the proof of my mom and my dad love... but why sometimes after the separateness of the love will make someones regrets ??? why ?? maybe I'm too young to understand what is means by love... but surely for now my heart will not gonna open my heart for anyone to get in through... and maybe i will try to understand about it some days... the most of my fear is to get in love... again... scare to get hurt and being hurt... enough for last relationship... hmm... i take a long time to forget the one i love and i glad now i can let meow go... =) so much effect in my life... huh....

haha.. its kinda funny to think about me.. hmm meow... i already can let her go... but... you make me always care you... but i realise you like other... hmm cancer horoscope says this month cancerian love will improve... thats maybe means that i like you.. but also got says love being reject... haha... now i know what it means =) but you dont know i like you... i also dont know i like you until someday when you care that girl... i felt jealous about that... but i try to avoid you and says impossible i like you... but then , dont know why i so care you... haha... maybe that just a feels inside my head =) beside we just know each other... hmm im sorry if im treat you not like before cause im trying to avoid from you.... so maybe i will treat you cool a bit... hmm... you were such a good friend of mine... i didnt denied that...., but i realise you like other =) so.... before i like you more..., better i go away from you first.... =) hope you can say to her that you like her ba.. =) dont worry about me ... cause im in person are more better than before .... i've grown up... =) baby... good luck oh... ^^ hope you can tell her your actual feels... ^^ me?? dont worry ... cause i will try to avoid my feel to you .... i will go from you... bye ~~~~

love is certainly not for me right now =) should i tell her the truth that exactly i like her??? no... i dont think so.. i try to avoid from her... =) thats the better things... hmm... im tired... i always think..think and thinking >< but now i dont want to think about it anymore.... hmm... let it go through the times .... im change =) im happy... huh....... thats it... i will go... will go from you.... =) bye......

life very bored.... hmm memory that happen just a chapter in life... we cant make it eternal for everyone.... hmmm...

sometimes to let it out we just can cry and the tears flows the sadness and then come back someday.... hmmm.... we cant take it back... we cant make it happen... thats i learn..... you've promise me much things that make me believe that you wont leave me... but indeed you leave me too... i dont care... maybe cause now i changing to someone that really tough... for you i hurt my self... now i felt its useless..... hmm..... if you ,,, would you do the same for me ??? cut your hand for me??? crash yourself to the mirror for me??? no... know why?? cause im just a doll for you... when you want you find me but when you feel that you dont need me anymore... you just leave and accuse me cause of her.... yes... forgive and forget.... but i forgive and never forget the memory... thanks cause teach me to be tough person in heart... thanks cause teaching me what love is meant...... meow ..... you surely have change me to become............ someone..... thanks ...

why i should cry when you saying that... WHY LA/???? your words make me cry , cry and cry!!!!! why???? ENOUGH LA... YOUR WORDS MAKE ME FELT SO SAD!!! MY HEART SO SAD WHEN SEEING THAT...I CANT STOP CRYING.......!!!!!! I DONT KNOW EITHET YOU CHANGING NOW OR ME CHANGING!!!!! SO SHIT!!!!!

sad.. thats what i feeling now.. hmm.. oto doesnt want to care me.. why?? maybe cause im being so selfish.. huh... im sorry.. i didnt mean to be that selfish for you.. hmm... you dont want to reply my chatbox.. i dont know why/?? maybe cause it my wrong.. haih.. so much i hope you next to me , so that i can persuade you to not angry on me.. :( ... i felt jealous.. should i felt that?? no , right??? hmm i felt sad when you in relationship with that girl.. why?? its that a normal feel for a friends?? i very confuse >< .... huh.... da ge , i hope you with me now so that i have a person to hug.. hmm... i've no mood and be quite on depress now.. i felt like i want to run and scream.. let the feels now fly away following the wind... hmm... oto...., im sorry... hmm.. i dont know how to describe my feels towards you now.. i dont know either i like you as my BABY or i like you as a friend???? i care about you... hmm... im very confuse.. i feeling sad and jealous.... should i????? i keep questioning my self about that... looking at the mirror and ask... but i didnt get any answer.. left me there with confused.... hmm... tick tock tick tock.. the clocks keep moving....., but me?????? sitting here in front of my laptop and thinking what i should do now... ignore you . or just treat you as normal friend..... huh?? i should not felt jealous about that.. hmm ... maybe the best way is ignore you... hmm... i kinda miss you... but... hmm... you didint reply my chatbox... im sorry.... baby ...., im sorry :'(

friends , best friend forever and memory ( in love)

 

this two pretty girl are my school bestfiend.... and my "BFF".... the left side call YAN nad the right side call MEY......

this is my memory... meow her name......

this is ME ^^ .... present for family wedding in hyatt hotel , kota kinabalu :)

pretty girl... 21 years old.. this one is natasha... my room mates...

pretty dako.. 23 years old ... dakota lee.. house mates ^^

awin aka oto ( my baby) and kikie ( 5 years being friend)... why their picture like that??? gay and loce each other so much... haha JOKING.... of course they are not ^^ awin just broke up and kie together with tasha :)

to be continued ::::::::::::::::::: sincere.... erica yeenie :)

my condition now , same with the picture at the up side... im sick.. im not feeling well.. fever+flu.... :'(

who is this?? this crazy so lou is the friend that i just knew from a social network called facebook... her name is awin.. i think.. but from the beginner i knew her , i recognised her as oto.. very nice girl , sweet and cute... haha... she is a tb.. hmm.. but the weird one is when i get in hospital that day , she didnt slept whole night cause worry about me.. how a good friend... ^^

this is some more of her... well i can say kinda cute... picture of her... ^^...she is the cure of my sadness.. cause when i sad , she will make me laugh ^^.. seriously.. like when we sad , we see a cute baby.., we will smile and the sadness inside our heart will gone.. same like her.., when im sad , her calls can make me smile ^^ so i nick her as my 'BABY'

and ... here are more picture OF her... if you all are interested with her , you can take the form and contact                            erica yeenie.. phone number : 016******2....... HAHAHAHAAH.... baby.... dont angry :*

in memory... qash died in accident.. crash by the insane neighbour... :'( ... qash... mama love you always ^^

one of my favourite cake.. cappuccino cheese cake... yummy yummy...... ^^

keep eating this.. absolutely can make me fat and fat and fat.....