hey hey hey..its been so long time that i didn't write anything here..hmm what i want to share here is that I've found my love..=) hmm... awin ow, that's my lover name.. but maybe what I'm gonna share here got a lil bit complicated than the real couple relationship suppose to be..maybe i will think what I'm write here is as I'm talking to awin cause i know that i don't have the courage to say it out.. not every couple will through all nice things every time..some couples will found out hardness in their relationship..as the saying, in every relationship must got sweet and bitter..hmm..actually i miss before Erica and awin relationship..loving each other, taking care each other..its very sweet on the phone..but when we meet up, something make us very far..something missing in our relations..but i try to hold on..try to save the relations between us..maybe i would say , 'if i could control my heart, i will control to stop falling in love with you' ..but now i cant..i love you..i care you, you know i do but i just don't know how to show it to you..but is it so fast this relations will gonna end?? i couldn't think about it now, not cause i cant..i can think about it bit i not dare..i not dare to falls my tears again..i not dare to hurt my self again..cause i know i don't have the strenght to go through it..I'm weird..when we got meet up we suppose to more close to each other not become more far..but the fact now, we are become too far from before..the connections be tween us seems like no more..cold blooded relationship started to cover our hot and sweet relations..maybe I'm too naive.. believing on what i suppose to not believe on.. but i don't know why my heart so tough and ready to go through 'that' situation again..i don't know why?? i don't know why I'm ready to lost everything in my heart..and you know that everything is YOU.. i don't want you felt suffer to be with me..i don't want you to sympathy me.. i don't want you to force yourself to be with me because of you scare to hurting me and scare i would do silly things..but bi , don't worry..I've promise you i will not do those things again then i will not..i will not hurt myself again..because I've promise you..hmm...i don't know why, it seems like both of us no chance to have long term relationship..because today i realise that no matter how good i am towards you, no matter how hard I've change to take care you, no matter how hard i try to be a better girlfriend for you, you still not satisfy with it..you still complain about it and make me down..i know..i realise that I'm not a good girlfriend for you..hmm..but i know i make the what comes and the least of what goes.. =( ... but im trying harder to be a good girlfriend for you.. " you know you love someonewhen you want them to be happy even if their happiness means that you're not part of it =( " hmm...but i still want to hold our relation and gives time to each other..