darkest depths of my soul.. slowly being destroyed by your chemical.. your love has turned my heart cold as stone.. truth , love and faith all thrown back in my face.. you don't deserve the comfort of my love.. and i didn't deserve to be punch , pushed or shoved.. did i even mean anything to you? or was i just a toy for you to subdue? i don't know anymore the real me.. when i look in the mirror i cant understand what and who i see.. you've sent me back to the way i used to be.. cold hearted , bitter and inside angry.. i know I'm not perfect.. nothing but a burden for some lost soul to collect.. but you made me think different , meow.. give what i could never ask for.. give me back my heart untoar.. a dead soul that's desperately wants to live..

you hate me??? i don't know if I'm wrong...but i says sorry to her.. but what she response me.. insult me... hmm.. and you scold me that rude.. first time.. you never scold me like that... i love you so much but cause of her , you hated me.. for all her fake... she posting says.. "I'm very happy help you hate le"... when you read that , cant you realised?? what happen to you? you didn't care me.. i get in hospital , you says that is a fake.. i never lie you.. know why?? cause my heart so damn loving you so much.. for one year and 7 month , you keep hurting and hurting me.. can you think how i felt when hurt me??? she insulted me on facebook through the post ,  i have my right to protect my self.. but you.... blame me..... is that fair??? i says sorry to her , but she says me again..okay i quiet this time.. you scold me.. irksome attitude?? you never scold me that hurt.. you never insult me that bad..all rude words that come out from your mouth.. very hurting... and now she telling other people to be on her side.. 'perampas' now people calling me that.. who takes who happiness now??? i admit that i shouldn't  scold her but , i realised my wrong and says sorry to her.. but what you two have repay me??? shame my name?? insulted me? one year and 7 month loving you.. i get hurt by you two.. i get beat when my dad know about us.. i take a back step for you to leave me for your own happiness.. but did i ever complain??? no.. did i ever talks bad about your gf like she does?? no.. did i ever told other people about our problem?? no.. i treat you so nice but when this things happen , you forget our memory and insulted me.. cant you realised how much pain i was???? maybe you never felt what is the feel of being get hurt... and she never felt what she will felt when someone takes her happiness.. but you two will someday.. maybe not cause of me.. but other people will... one year and 7 month loving you and the felt never getting less.. you use her facebook account to scold me.. my deep love towards you direct quit... ya , like you said.. black can change to white.. but my heart change not cause other people but cause of you.. my heart change to hates towards you now.. but i still sayang you so much.. why???? i wont find you anymore.. take cares.. and lok... i forgive what you have done to me.. take cares her and i know you will.. and i hope you will not hurt her.. this is the end... bye meow.. hmm..................................................

'dont find me anymore'... that's the last word you says to me.. how could you?? mistake that your gf did but  i wrong..okay okay. .I'm sorry ..but is it really necessarily you hurt me ....hurt and continue hurt me. .not enough??? why i can love you this person so much?? hmm.. . regret..and be neglected....hm... i get in hospital cause of you but what you said??? so fake??? is that??? hey..who fake now?? me or your gf?? all this time the correct one is your gf.. please.. get lost of my life , MELVINA CHONG!!! i love you , i treat you nice but just one mistake , you can shame me.. you say rude to me.. okay???? huh........... very hurt..why i can love you this person so much.. from now on we are officially no relation at all.. wish you happy with your lover.. remember when you say black can change to white??? ya..  you're right,,my deep love towards you that never get less before..suddenly change to hate...........no more tears for you now...
                                  GOODBYE MELVINA CHONG WEI NA

cry.. that's all i can do when think about you.. why until now i still will cry for you.. why i be like this? why? why you let her take my happiness away. I'M REALLY SUFFER.. i hate you.. you made me love you , you made me believe that you'll never  leave me , you made me believe you love me before.. but what i get now???!!! long lasting hurt and hurt and hurt..how much sacrifice i am when be with you and now still sacrifice for you.. HATE MY LIFE SO MUCH!!! WHY I SHOULD DESERVE THIS?? why? i need my da ge.. i need her to be beck with me, but is that possible?????? no!!!! hate myself , hate the fate , hate my life.

p/s ; life never fair !!!!!

one and half ++ year , i loving you.. 26th December is your birthday.. coming soon :)... hmm... how much care i am.. but do you care me as i care you?? on my birthday...., you give me the most hurt present... I've get in hospital but do you care??? hmm.. i forgive you about that... cause i love you so much.. hope i can celebrate you birthday with you this year.. :) but hope just a hope right???? hmm.... fairy and GOD......, fulfill my wishes can you???? hmm.... Erica Erica.... no chances between you two already... but its okay.. loving her now is already enough for me......................:(

so cute.... hao ke ai lea...... huhu :'(..... hope aND WISH the fairy give back my M and never seperated us...... miss you so much lea..hmm.............................. :'

       p/s ; i love you M***

AIR WICK SPRAY :)

while I'm busying update my blog last night.. and get too emotional with my heart.. suddenly i heard 'psst' sounds... I'm wondering what sound was that... past 15 minutes..., i can i heard the sound again... so i looked my behind and asked my cousin either she call me or not... after 15 minutes.., the sound comes again.. me and my cousin looked each other.., 1.37 am.... I'm wondering was that sound of ghost.. ignore... then 'psst' again..and this time the sound comes with smell.. lavender smell.. we starting to scared honestly... after 15 minutes AGAIN,,,,,, 'psst'...... and my cousin knock my head and ask me to stop fooling around.. of course i denied.. after aLL the quarrel we have.... we realise the 'PSST' sound comes from AMBI PUR AIR WICK SPRAY !!!! =.=

            

WHEN LOVE........................................ :'(

now when love is no longer meant.. all i felt just a hurt.. be left with the past.. love.. before.., you offer a sweet promise with me.. but you still go..leave me alone with hurts.. the lost of your love cutting deep down in my heart.. the lost of yourself from me , hurt my heart very much.. and let me fall in hope.. hope that I'll never achieved.. i mentioned your name in my every wishes.. and every memory that i memorise.. and all i get just your shadow!!...... huh........... we're always mean to say good bye..i know it will not make you wanna cry..but my tears keep fall down when thinking about us..  now you going far away.. now you leave me.. I'm not for you.. even though i bagging you to not leave me but you keep with your decision.... left me there crying and hurt myself...... and now i started to understand what is love..... hmm.............. :( 

waiting at the boarding room really bored.. the flight delay.. but now i think about someone. i memorise our memory. hmm :) hurt but i have to accept that. not much memory i had with her. but i still remember  how i love her , how i used to pampered her . how i love her cute laugh :) huh..................and that's still remain a memory and never back to that moment again. still be friend with her i am really grate full. i will cry when see our picture , hmm...........  I'm okay :) seeing my cousin.. very hilarious.. eating famous Amos cookies , my favourite.. saw a couple.. very sweet :) i wish i get my M to be with me again.. but we all know that is impossible :) hmmm................ oh  dear.. how much sad i am.. but i still can hide the  feels from surrounding people.. how tough i am. i appreciate the friendship i have with M :)

i love you.. i really do.. but love only its not making any senses.. :) i know.. i know we cant be together back but i hope our friendship will gonna last stand forever.. i can accept everything now.. just hope you and her will happy and i know you two did.. at least i let you go for your own happiness right?? loving you without your knowing already enough for me.. just give the permission to love you and never questioning about that.. i am stubborn :) but i know what i want.. i know what my heart searching for.. i am sorry for blaming you for everything that i put into.. and i hate myself cause hating you :) i love you so much and that feel never getting less.. and i will never let other to replace you in my heart.. :) that's my Principe..

is it my fate always like this?? keep getting hurt? huh......... ya i still love M but am i wrong?? am i wrong to love someone without he or she knowing still. i broke up with M few months ago. loving M one and half year.. but am i wrong?? i didn't bother M relationship.. but honestly is it wrong ?? i didn't try to mess up M relationship with M gf like M gf mess up my relationship with M before.. i still remember 29/6 my birthday, i accept the most hurt present i have.. M says break to me. the reason? M keep sticks with her gf..that's the reason.. i almost die but did M ever care me? no,she's not..but when her gf hurt her knee only, M there accompany her gf. when i know that, i was so much hurt. but i keep pretending that I'm okay. but hiding my exact feel is that wrong too?? i keep cry. i didnt know i cry what for? I'm hurt but is that worth for me?? ya.. time and tide wait for no man. sometimes I'm thinking is it really i ever be in M heart? is it true M ever love me? or just me wasting my time like M gf said before?? huh..................i don't know what happen to me.. i have no confident, i always think about this things. and hope that fate will give M back to me.. even i know that's not gonna happen at all. just for one sure i love you and i always do    :'(

today so tired..hang out with friend,,happy so much..but sometimes felt sad too..hmm i miss M so much..haih..but anyway today me,ayyan and mey so balanced..haha..balanced trough our attitude,our style and of course height :) ..haha..anyway and anyhow..they are my bff... muaks :* bubye..meet you on next post.. :)

haih..i getting awkward with 'M'..I felt i want to cry:'(..why i always get hurt..is it the fate wont give me the happiness anymore????so damn hurt now!!!people asking 'you're not happy now????' , i would say i'm okay i'm happy..and i will make e big smile towards them..and i thinking how much ego i am..how much drama i am...hmm.....cause of one broke up i change til like this..is that worth????hmm M didn't care about me..M didn't think about me..so why i should keep like this????huh..........very complicated feelings :( :( :( :( and i should not deserve like this!! very horrible feelings i had now...

hurt's

today, i not strong enough to get hurt again by her style towards me.sometimes , i scared want to find her.. not scared her 'sick' gf but instead i scared she will not care me..scared she will ignore me..hmm... but what can i do? she is not belong to me. i wan she felt regret cause ever hurt me but sometimes i think enough for me to get hurt again!!......loving her til now already enough..its okay if She is not belong to me..maybe that's the journey of my fate..cause this is only a chapter in human life,memory usually not as sweet as we create.everyone have to accept that, even me have to accept it..huh......